Both Hands Occupied

By Alex Mathew
Posted Tuesday, August 19, 2008

BOTH HANDS OCCUPIED

Life should be a joy for all. That is one of the most intricate ‘shoulds’ of life! For life to be joyful there has to be freedom from wants and the means to live with meaning to ‘BE’. If life has to have some meaning it has to be livable with enjoyable content. Content is the sum total of what is received and what is made of the available inputs. Intelligently put to use, these factors are expected to be sufficient to make life worth a try.

But often life turns out to be hardened and complicated deprived of any joy. No one wants to have a hard life. No one wants to be dealing with conflict all the time. More often than not we are engaged in sorting out hardships and conflicts, large and small.

All of us seek comfort and try to gain it at any cost. In our efforts to gather comfort we make life harder by our chosen lifestyles. And then life often turns out to be burdened, weighing us down with heaviness of heart. But it does not have to be so if we learn the art of handling our burdens intelligently and shedding the weights that weigh us down.

We all go through life with two different baggages holding one in each hand. In one hand we hold the baggage of our ‘Past’ and in the other our ‘Unique Self.’ The size of the baggage that holds our past would depend on all that we have passed through, our interpretations of it and our reactions. The more we go through it, revise it, rejoice in it or reject, repent or react, the baggage keep increasing in bulk.

The unique self is the sum total of our identity formed from our inheritance, attitudes and reactions. In other words, it would depend very much on what we are born with and how we allow our experiences to influence our reactions to life. Our pattern of behavior that contributes to the formation of our unique self is controlled by many and variable factors.

We carry our past ‘History’ and our present ‘Unique Self’, unwittingly allowing the past to exert a large influence on the progress or regression we make in life. Imagine walking with two big baggages, one in each hand, and trying to enter any normal sized door. It is not easy. The problem is even more after gaining entry into any particular space we are not inclined or free to put down our baggage. We tenaciously hold on to our past and our personal dispositions which make us unique. Voluntarily giving up these things amount to losing control and that is a terrible threat. Giving up control is not easy. But accepting the fact that the Lord God is in control is the releasing truth that give us freedom to BE.

Wherever we go, whatever we do, these baggage are our constant companions coming in our way and blocking our progress. Past is deadweight around our necks till we allow the Lord to receive it from us. The Lord Jesus specifically says “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest” Mat.11: 28.

Our present dispositions and entrenched attitudes of our unique self caution us and allow us to take actions in selected and confined manners allowable within our limited perceptions. Our progress is impeded if the baggages are of unmanageable size and shape.

The sum total of what is said is that we limit ourselves in the strangle hold of our past and unique self. The limiting may mean lack of positive progress or movement in a wrong tangent leading to negativity.

The past of every person is distinctly different from others. We would have to deal with an infinite variety of experiences to make some meaningful generalization out of them. Greater and longer persevering study is called for making sense out of the infinite variety of individual experiences. It will be good for you to learn a new spelling for past. What is PAST is DEAD. No one should go around cuddling the past and spending precious time analyzing the past. Learn from the past and then burry it for good, for our Lord God has already cancelled our past sins and wrong doings. Why carry it and create impediment to our progress in life?

Your ‘Unique Self’ too can become a huge baggage if you do not see it as what it is and keep it in manageable size and shape. Every person is unique and generalizations are not easily possible here too. That would largely limit our understanding of the baggage problem. But we have to make a beginning somewhere if we are to get freedom from the limiting heaviness of these baggages that limit our progression in life.

I chose to talk about this subject because an understanding of the ‘unique self’ will help us to effectively deal with some typical problems faced by our children in school. Learn the art of burying the past and administering your ‘Unique Self’.

Everyone is unique, because everyone is created unique. A precise classification is impractical. For the sake of an easier understanding we will consider three major categories as THINKER, FEELER and DOER. The basic characteristics of the three groups are listed separately below.

Try to identify in which group you may fit in, based on these characteristics. Remember none is a pure ‘type’. You do not have to feel lost in case you seem to feel not distinctly belonging in any particular type. All of us are variable and interesting combinations with infinite possibilities.

THE THINKER

• High mental energy.
• The thinker is honest and truthful.
• The thinker is analytical and can get lost in details.
• Loves order and over concerned about security.
• Loves quiet time and be alone for some time. (Danger of exceeding limits at times.)
• Tends to cultivate only one to three close friends.
• Tends to be melancholic and at risk of feeling inferior.
• Refuse to recognize own talents and ability, even when proven.
• Knows all that is bad about oneself.
• That quality makes the thinker to be a ‘blame-collector’.
• Perfectionist tendencies causing them to demand perfection from others too.
• Mood is determined by what is going on in the thoughts.
• Must want to think about something at all times, prefers reading before going to bed.
• Preoccupation with thinking makes the person prone to brooding and anxiety attacks.
• Not quick with advice or disapproval.
• But hoards all hurts and prefers to withdraw.
• Reluctant to share the sad thoughts occupying the mind and prefers to suffer alone.
• Extreme fear of the unknown.
• Reluctant to take risks and therefore tends to be a late bloomer.
• Likes to follow an inner list to do and a higher standard.
• Internalizes anger and does not indulge in explosive outbursts.

THE FEELER

• Relationships are more important than anything.
• Highly subjective and the ‘I’ is a major preoccupation.
• On the look out for ‘rejecting’ attitudes in others.
• Easily gets hurt and pouts when hurt.
• Ready to follow the morals of the crowd, easily gets into trouble.
• Is liable to be used by others.
• Life is an on going party whenever possible.
• Makes others feel important and cared.
• Very keen on pleasing people.
• Will go to the extend of allowing others to fail oneself.
• Good at manipulating others to have own way.
• Good empathizers and sensitive to the needs of others.
• Hardly any control over explosive bouts.
• Easily motivated.
• Very enthusiastic but unlikely to persevere.
• Desires popularity and tends to invite attention.
• Will readily reject anyone who indicates distance.
• Lavish in expressions.
• Prefer to talk ad infinitum and the subject is often ‘I’.
• Self-indulgent and easily gathers self-pity.
• Powerful ‘blame-giver’ whenever irritated.

THE DOER

• The doer is strong-willed and pushy.
• Gets things done through others.
• Never rests without accomplishing what is set forth.
• Easily projects confidence and wants to be ‘in-command’.
• Prefers independence.
• Does not suffer fools and lazy bums.
• Adept at twisting realities to suit the task at hand.
• In all stories ‘I’ am the hero.
• Obstacles are usually invisible.
• Many iron in the fire and makes anyone near to tend his fire.
• Inconsistent yet hates to be bothered by facts.
• Welcomes and enjoys challenges.
• Relatively out of touch with the hurts of others.
• Quick to explode and it is OK if others react exploding.
• Aggressive and energetic.
• Would tend to be creative but speed is the watchword.
• Others are ‘tools’ to accomplish objectives.
• Accepts aggression.
• Enjoys a good fight and tends to forget.
• Does not waste time in brooding.
• No qualms about blaming others.
• Powerful ‘task-giver’.

It does not matter in which group you may find your identity. Make it a point to choose what you think desirable and honorable according to you and in agreement with the Scripture, and then live it fully to your potential. “Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable -if anything is excellent or praiseworthy – think about such things…put it into practice” Phil. 4: 8, 9.

Keep both your hands free and clean to act effectively to get ahead in life.

Alex Mathew (Adapted from Mike Wells’ teachings)