Wives Submit!

By Michael Wells
Posted Monday, April 12, 2004

Let’s get started on the right foot. No need going for the cobweb when we can go for the spider. Women who cannot submit and men who demand it are both unbelieving control freaks. Let me explain, because this isn’t a popular topic. I suppose that the only other admonition that has been given such scrutiny and as many overhauls is “husbands, love your wives,” the goal being to add so many qualifiers that both commands lose their sting. Evangelicals are sometimes comical; they will fight to the death over someone’s wanting to change the Bible, but they alter its intended meaning regularly with their commentaries. But if we believe “let God be true and every man the liar,” women are to submit to their husbands. The obvious question that must be asked is, “Why?” Does the Bible teach equality? Yes, as Paul tells us, there is neither male nor female. Why would God take a woman, who is equal to a man, and tell her to submit? There are some obvious reasons, such as a house divided cannot stand, the man is the head of the woman, and the family is not a democracy. However, this still misses the point for me. God’s school of discipleship has some very elaborate and tailor-made courses to bring about the great revelation that Christ is in you. I can promise you that seminaries have a laughable curriculum when measured against His. He is discipling us, hands on, all the time. There are things that can be learned in submission that cannot be learned in any other place. There are lessons in submitting to a perceived inferior person that cannot be learned any other way. There are secrets about Jesus learned only in submission to an equal. There are aspects of a woman’s flesh life that can only be revealed in submission. There is faith that remains hidden in the unsubmissive. I noticed some time ago that the ministry that I am in has saved my life. I always was thinking it was for others, but now I see that it was for me. My flesh is so strong that if I weren’t constantly in this course He has created for me, I would not have moved forward in faith. I see Jesus in it all. My point is this: Do you really believe that the God who began a good work in you and intends to complete it would give you a command to make you miserable? The way some try to work their way around this passage reveals their flesh. “Am I to submit to an idiot?” Well, why not? First, are you better than Jesus, who knowing He was God, washed feet? Second, what faith does it take to submit to someone that is better in everything? The lesson He is teaching in submission is an amazing one. You will learn that God is above your husband and that your life does not rest in the hands of another. You will see past man to God, and this will affect every area of your life. I no longer see governments as being in charge of my destiny; I see God behind them. There are several such lessons in Scripture where God is teaching each of us, right in our particular environment, that we can see Him. Slaves submit to masters, citizens to governments, members to their leaders, one to another, and more, all to increase our faith by seeing God behind them. Flesh is flesh, and no one is void of it. No intellectually discerning person sees one man above another, and yet we are all, in our various environments, to submit to someone. There is great peace when we see God and not the man. A woman’s flesh needs this or He wouldn’t command it. There are no qualifiers. In the same way a man’s flesh needs to love when there is no reason to love. He needs the breaking of the flesh life and pride that only loving a person who has rejected him can bring. It is all for our good. If you don’t want to do submit, if you want to remain in unbelief, if want to continue to think man is in charge of your life, and you want the last word, well, amen. But there is a better Way. The glory of God is in choice. You must have the final word in choice. In the end the struggle with submission is a struggle over the question of who is ultimately in control. Is it God or someone else? Do we have to be in control, or can we see God behind the person who won’t follow? Just say, “Amen,” and get on in Him. There is, in my opinion, the mistaken idea that the leadership of a man is proven by those who follow. This would appear to be a faulty definition if applied to Jesus. He was the greatest leader that ever lived, and yet He died without a single follower around Him. Leadership is showing the way, leadership is not forcing people into the way. Some carnal-minded men force subjugation onto women. Those men wear the reward of their motive, for sin and punishment are one and the same. Men stand and fall in their “why,” not their “what,” and the “why” of these men is wrong. So we move past them. But there are those, as mentioned, that will never be led because of control, and those who covertly will never be led but will not come right out and say they don’t want to led, because they see that as disobedience. Hence, they question everything. Others simply are not, from pride, going to let a man tell them anything. Finally, there are those whose husbands have proven themselves over and over again to be stupid. So what are men to do? Again, recognize that leadership is NOT determined by who follows. As a man and leader, let your opinion be known. To the best of your ability by seeking God for the direction in which you believe as a couple or a family that you should go, let your assessment be known. At that point you are a leader! Who follows is a matter of personal choice. If no one follows, the husband should not surrender his peace to the situation, he should surrender to God and let the others “do what is wise in their own eyes.” This may sound like passivity, but in reality, what are your options? Stew in anger, or worse yet, force your mate to yield to you? Flesh will beget flesh. Everyone must stand on his own before his Maker. Just rest and get on in Him. After all, if a wife doesn’t want to come under a husband’s leadership, let her take it up with God. You, as a husband, have a big enough task of loving! Of course, there is another option, to fall into the minutia of life. “I wanted to turn right and my wife kept yelling, ‘Go left!’” Now there’s a conversation that we all want to be involved in. Then there are the follow-up statements of minutia, “Well, I was right, wasn’t I? We should have gone left!” Everyone at the dinner table really enjoys these times of “fellowship.” Is it really worth the hassle of triple answering and questioning over something that just doesn’t matter? It is better to say, “Right looks good, I believe it is correct (the issue of leadership is complete at this point); however, if you don’t want to go right, amen, we are turning left.” Now comes the issue of taking up the cross, when there are no followers, and loving; this deeper work in you may not yet be complete. Say it with a smile; your leadership is not on the line, that has been settled: you are not going to be followed. So what? If you are wrong, you saved some time listening; if you were right, you lost a little time and you have some extra time to move out of pride. Next, get on talking about Jesus. Again, the sign of leadership is not a following. Once we get that out of our heads, we can truly move on to bigger things.